What would #Hitler's #Talking #Dogs Say

     Maureen Dowd’s NY Times column in July 2011 was headlined: Hitler’s Talking Dogs.

    She revealed that, towards the end of WWII, Hitler’s secret weapons group was trying to kill “Allied officers with poison infused in sausages, chocolate, Nescafe coffee, cigarette lighters and Bayer aspirin.”

     Perhaps the most nefarious plot involved attempting to teach large, muscular mastiffs to “talk” to humans.  “This story,” she wrote, “set off a panting spate of “Heel Hitler,” “Furred Reich,” "Woofen SS” and “Arf Wiedersehen” headlines in British tabloids and plenty of claims that Hitler was “barking mad.”

     Yet the story left a big unanswered question: what were the dogs supposed to say?  

     “Take me to your leader who has a leash?”

     “I need a walk.”

     “I want to slobber on your crotch.”

     If my dog Gizmo were to be trained to talk, I would love to hear him say, “I love you,” although he does that every day with his eyes.  I would not like him to suddenly offering opinions on the clothes I wear, my political philosophy or the fact that I need a haircut.  My wife already takes care of that. 

“In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn't merely try to train him to be semi human.  The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog.”  ~Edward Hoagland