What to #Remember as a #Dog

They Never Let Me Sleep on Their Precious Bed, so How Can I Oophie in His Face?

THINGS I MUST REMEMBER AS A DOG: 

From Ginny Weissman

1.              I must shake water out of my fur before entering the house.

2.              I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.

3.              I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, deer, etc. just because I like the way they smell.

4.              I will not steal my mom’s underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.

5.              I will not play tug-o-war with dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.

6.              Sticking my nose in someone’s crotch is not an acceptable way of saying hello.

7.              I will not hump on any person’s leg just because I thought it was the right thing to do.

8.              I will not fart in my owner’s face while sleeping on the pillow next to their head.

9.              I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.

10.           The toilet bowl is not a never ending water supply and, just because the water is blue, it doesn’t mean it is cleaner.

11.           I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch in front of company.

“Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.” Lewis Grizzard