#Spector's #Talking #Dog #Story

Just touch me and I'll never, ever kvetch

        From #Dave #Spector, program host, stand-up comic and hilarious guy who lives in Japan:   (For anyone not Yiddish conversant, to “kvetch” means to complain, a lot.)

        Morty visits Dr. Saul, the veterinarian, and says, "My dog has a problem."

            Dr. Saul says, "So, tell me about the dog and the problem.

           "It's a Jewish dog. His name is Seth and he can talk," says Morty.

            "He can talk?" the doubting doctor asks.

            "Watch this!" Morty points to the dog and commands: " Seth, Fetch!"

            Seth the dog, begins to walk toward the door, then turns around and says, "So why are you talking to me like that? You always order me around like I'm nothing. And you only call me when you want something. And then you make me sleep on the floor, with my arthritis. You give me this fahkahkta food with all the salt and fat, and you tell me it's a special diet. It tastes like dreck! YOU should eat it yourself! And do you ever take me for a decent walk? NO, it's out of the house, a short piss, and right back home. Maybe if I could stretch out a little, the sciatica wouldn't kill me so much! I should roll over and play dead for real for all you care!"

            Dr. Saul is amazed, "This is remarkable! So, what's the problem?"

     Morty says, "He has a hearing problem! I said 'Fetch,' not 'Kvetch."

“Sometimes you panic and find yourself emitting remarks so profoundly inane that you would be embarrassed to say them to your dog. Your dog would look at you and think to itself, "I may lick myself in public, but I'd never say anything as stupid as that." . – Dave Barry